


Silence

by weedcat (orphan_account)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, im so sorry, this is older but i want something more on here than oc smut lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 19:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8545429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/weedcat
Summary: There was an accident.





	

I wasn't crying.

As his arms pressed into mine, holding me tightly, for support, I didn't cry. Yet I was the one that was supposed to be crying, the one that was supposed to be mourning the most, but my mind had stopped. For years, it had raced on and on, never stopping for anything, but right now, it had stopped, and I couldn't think. I couldn't open up my mouth to even let out a few breaths as everyone watched me, waiting for me to fall apart.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, digging his fingers into my hair, tears starting to run down his face. He smelled like the sickness of the hospital room, but also of travel, miles of driving in cars. Kageyama had come here, in less than an hour after hearing that it was the start of the end, just to see us. He was shocked, tired, and completely disheveled, but he sat here with us.

Daichi had been sitting in the hospital room for the entire week, sleeping in his chair, not once leaving to visit home or shower. He, too, looked completely out of place in the pristine, white room, devastated and teary eyed. Everyone else had stopped in and out, leaving flowers and cards, under the assumption that everything was going to get better. It always did, no matter what.

So they weren't here to see it.

"Hinata," Kageyama whispered, pulling away from me, looking in my face, his eyes searching for any form of emotion on me, but he was lost. "Hinata... are... are you okay?"

But my lips wouldn't move. I didn't know what to say, what to do, so I just sat there, wide eyed, staring at the wall. The wall. I couldn't look away from that fucking wall, because it was the only thing that was clear. A white, painted wall with nothing on it. Everything else in the room was so busy, from Kageyama's frantic eyes to Daichi's tired stance, to... to the bed on the other side of the room.

"Leave him be," Daichi said, his voice wavering, but not as if he was angry. Instead, there was a melancholy ring to it, one that we had never heard before, and Kageyama pulled his arms away, and awkwardly shifted, sitting with his head in his hands at the table. Daichi, returning to a silent stance, watched his hands as they started to shake.

"It's all my fault," he whispered, hardly audible, but there was no sound in the room to mask it. "I should've been... more careful, more protective..."

"It was everyone's fault," Kageyama replied, louder, and Daichi looked up in shock. "We... we didn't see it coming. None of us did, Daichi, and you don't need to take responsibility upon yourself for it."

"Like hell I don't!" Daichi snapped, tears streaming down his face, and Kageyama flinched back as he did so. "I was his captain, his friend! I was responsible for his life, and look at what I've done now!"

Daichi's screaming started to fade out as I stared at the wall, looking into the white... the white paint, on the court, the day that it all happened. The day that it happened, everyone was there, excited, for a practice match with Nekoma. Tanaka and Nishnoya were watching as Kiyoko unloaded the bus, Tsukishima and Kageyama were bickering, as usual. Daichi and Azumane and... they were all talking, laughing with the other third years from Nekoma, about how the fated "Battle at the Garbage Dump" never got to happen while they were there.

But then it all happened, so fast that I couldn't even catch up to it all.

It was Nekoma's serve, but the server, a clumsy first-year, tripped and the ball flew up and got caught between two of the rafters of the gym's roof. We could keep the game going, but the ball was above the side of the gym, so... he offered to get it. He wasn't setter that time around, so he wanted to help out Nekoma.

Kiyoko held the ladder as he climbed up, his feet shaking from the loose support. Then, as Daichi received the ball, it flew off the court and hit the leg of the ladder, causing it to shake. Kiyoko fell back and everyone turned to see... as he lost his footing, he fell to the ground, landing on his back, and everyone heard the snap that resonated throughout the gym.

He wasn't dead yet. Just an offset vertebrae and a concussion, something that could heal over time. Not completely, but he should have been fine. Until he woke up, two days after the incident.

"Daichi," he whispered from his bed, voice hoarse, and Daichi snapped awake from his trance. "What... what happened?"

As Daichi explained it, he grew into a state of shock, knowing that he would never recover from this accident. For the entire year now, he hadn't been able to play volleyball, being switched off the court with Kageyama, and now... Now he could never play again. Not with this injury, not for a long time.

So that night, when Daichi had fallen back into his sleep, leaving him alone, he pulled out all of his IVs, his sensors, and tried to stumble over to the table, where his pills and medications were, to down all of them. But the second he tried to do so, his spine wouldn't let him, and he fell to the ground, landing on it again, and snapping the vertebrae entirely.

Four days was all it took.

Four days of suffering in silence, Daichi's silent eyes watching the bed. Four days of a few visits, from family and friends who never knew the severity of the injury. Four days of nothing and everything all at once.

"He loved you so much," Daichi muttered, looking at Kageyama and I, and I tried to listen, tried to tune in. "Kageyama, he admired you, knowing that you could overtake him as a first year. And Hinata... he gave so much to you, so much time, so much love, to help you. You know that, you know... he would've lived for you, Hinata."

"D..." I started, hearing the last words Daichi said. "Don't... say th...that. If he woul...would've lived for me... why is he..."

Kageyama, before letting me finish talking, grabbed my arm and looked into my eyes, and I was shocked, almost, to see his face so scared, so frantic.

"Hinata," he started, and as I tried to pull away, he pulled me into him. "He loved you, and that's... all that matters." 

"Not enough," I whispered, into his chest, and his arms tightened around me. "He didn't love me enough to stay around, to try and live on, Kageyama. He... he knew what he was doing."

And then it was completely silent. Daichi sat back down, and the chair scraped across the floor, but it didn't make a noise. Kageyama's sniffling tears didn't reach me, and the sound of the flatlined monitor was only white noise now. For me, it was absolutely quiet, the world shattering around me as I realized that... he never loved me in the end, he didn't love me enough to stay here for me.

I remembered the first day he told me everything, after practice. Kageyama was sick, and we were practicing spikes the entire time, and by the time we were done, it was just the two of us left in the gym, the sky pitch black.

"Thank you, Hinata..." he smiled, locking up the gym behind him. "This was... perfect."

"I'm not that good!" I laughed, and he chuckled, and then looked down at the key in his hands and sighed.

"No, I mean... ever since Kageyama joined, I haven't felt... the joy of being a setter," he sighed, and I looked up at him, his eyes sparkling. "But tonight, I felt... happy again."

I whispered his name, and he snapped back to his reality, and apologized, the tears in his eyes slowly fading away. But there was something there, something that he wasn't saying, that hadn't left just yet.

"Are you... okay?" I asked, and sat down on the steps outside of the gym. He sat next to me, the words stabbing through his lungs as he heard me, tears immediately welling at his eyes.

"I'm... fine," he said, and sat down next to me. "I mean, Kageyama's better than me in every way... why shouldn't he be Karasuno's setter? I just..."

Fireflies surrounded the gym, slowly illuminating the sky, pressed against the stars. The schoolyard was empty, silent, and dark, and all I could see was his face, illuminated by the small light outside of the gym, and the tears starting to run down his face. He slowly reached out and took my hand, and as he did so, he smiled.

"I just wish that I could serve to you, on... on an actual court. In a game, I could be the person... the person that you trust, and that..."

"I'm sure," I started, slowly trying to pull my hands away from his, "that... we could have Daichi switch out Ka-"

"I want to be the person you love," he blurted out, his eyes closed, and his hands closing around mine, and the silence of the night surrounded us. The silence.... The silence was encompassing that night, the purity of the stars and the whispers and the tears, they all fed into the peaceful silence.

But this silence, it screamed.

It screamed in my face that he didn't love me enough, that I was never enough for him. I was never what he wanted me to be, and I could never have done anything to save him. It wasn't the team's fault, it wasn't Daichi's fault... it was mine. He was hurt because of them, but he died... died because of me.

"He's crying," Kageyama mouthed to Daichi, and Daichi solemnly smiled, watching me slowly curl into Kageyama's grip, looking for the warmth of a grip around me. The silence was broken as I slowly opened my eyes and took it all in.

The relentless screech of the monitor. Daichi and Kageyama's dark faces. The withering flowers on the table.

The white tile. The flowing curtains.

The bed.

His bed, filled with a collapsed body, arms fragile and pale, his lips dry and colorless. His eyes, usually so bright and kind, were fluttered shut, brushed by his hair as his bangs fell in his face. He was so still, so pristine, that it looked like he was just... sleeping, waiting for his prince to come along and kiss him. Waiting for me to be everything he needed.

Waiting for me to be enough.

"But I'm not enough," I whispered, still holding onto Kageyama's shirt, looking at him, hoping that my words could reach him. "I'm... never enough, am I, Suga?"


End file.
